In which I bitch ungraciously

cat fight

I peruse a lot of sewing and quilting blogs, and they are a wonderful source of inspiration. Almost all of my quilty ideas were sparked from some beautiful thing I found online. For better or worse, these sewing blogs also frequently ignite the bitchy inner monologue. Here are some most common snarks, and they flare up in my blog-reading head all the time.

Oh my god, so ugly. Think deer hunter orange, diarrhea brown, green screen green, any inexpensive muted color calico printed in the 1980’s. For a group of people passionate about design and creativity, you’d be shocked by the caliber of heinous projects out there. Oft displayed as a too-small image that is flourescent-lit and disposable-camera blurry, but I suppose that at least is a blessing.

Speaking of blessings: oh great, you love Jesus. I don’t begrudge strangers their admiration for Jesus, but what in god’s name does he have to do with sewing? I don’t bore you with my passion for colonial American history or SmartWool mini socks, and that is because I write a blog about sewing and crafts.  (Maybe I’ll bore you with the socks bit if I ever start knitting my own, but it seems unlikely.)  Disclaimer: this critique may be applied to all non-religious blogs espousing overtly religious viewpoints.  I have never seen a non-Christ-focused example, but I would be equally annoyed by any quilt blog telling me about Yahweh, Xenu, Muhammad, you catch my drift.

Oh god, another cat. Yes, I’m guilty of this one, as are about 80% of all other blogging sewers. We are unsurprisingly a race of crazy cat ladies.

Oh god, another dog. But it’s cool, because your dog is at least half as cute as my cat, and you’re probably just a crazy cat lady in dog’s clothing.

Oh no she did NOT just say tute!  It’s a tutorial, people. Tutes are what happens when you eat too many fermented black beans at the Korean restaurant. Don’t be gross. Also, if you are too lazy to type out the word tutorial, you probably shouldn’t be blogging.

I didn’t want to commit another cardinal blog sin by posting a picture-less entry, so I scoured the web and found the ultimate fugly, blurry, poorly-lit, dog-perched-atop quilt pic, but I can’t bring myself to post it.  I’m not that mean.  (I found another one involving a dog, a moderately fugly quilt AND a propane tank!  Amazing!)  Instead, here are some of my own outtakes.

cat quilt

Some choice shots from that re-upholstery post I never wrote:

cat chair

cat chair two

Merry fucking Christmas:

cat wreath

cat portrait

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